good life choices
One morning, after a fun overnight lifestyle party, my friend and I were sitting on the patio, basking in the sun, enjoying the Park City mountain views. We were just talking and maybe cuddling, as lifestyle friends do. Her partner came out with a cup of coffee for each of us and then asked what we would like in our omelets. We looked at each other with big smiles on our faces, feeling so grateful for good friends and the men waiting on us. Funny enough, we remember it differently in who delivered the next line (I give her credit, she gives it to me) but it was something like, “Wow, I think we’ve made some really good life choices to bring us to a moment like this.” We laughed then and it has become an ongoing thing for us. We’ve had so many moments since that one where we say out loud, “Good life choices!” and we know what we mean. Sexy moments, funny moments, and mind-blowing friendship moments. This particular friend and I started a group together called The Sacred Sluts: A Group of Spiritually-Minded Women Practicing Non-Monogamy. We’ve had some amazing moments with our group where we call this out.
Hubs and I had met a single guy recently that we both clicked with. YES, this does happen—pretty often for us, actually. Our first lifestyle experience with him ended up being a group situation and he was awesome. It was an incredible night and we stayed in touch. The other night there was talk about meeting up with him and it would just be the three of us. I have to be in a particular mood for an MFM, and we had already had quite an active lifestyle weekend so I was on the fence. This was going to be one of the last opportunities to see him, however (due to a move), so I decided to rally. What a good life decision that was.
While hubs went down to the lobby to bring him up to our room, I changed into lingerie. I’m not the best in the role of ‘seductress,’ but lingerie always seems to get the party started, and it indeed got the party started that night. We had an incredible play session. When there was a lull, the two of them decided that they would give me a massage. This single guy, besides being a very cool person, is HOT. He’s a trainer and has an incredible body. He also happens to DO massage therapy. While I laid there getting an incredible four-hand massage from these two HOT men, I just kept murmuring every once in a while, “I have to tell Sarah about this.” My husband knows who Sarah is, but after a while, they both were like, “What?” I told them about our ‘good life choices’ moments. They laughed.
What I think is interesting about this ‘good life choices’ phrase is two-fold. For one thing, I really had to pat myself on the back in this situation because I was recognizing how good I’ve become at receiving. What!? Good at receiving? Yes—it’s a thing. Allowing love, or allowing in this case, pure pleasure. Being in the moment of just receiving and not getting into my head about if I was taking too much time or if I was too much the center of attention. These two guys were here this evening FOR this—to please me. Honestly, the most generous thing I could do was allow it. This is one of the lessons that comes along with a life that celebrates pleasure for pleasure’s sake; the giving and the receiving. There is receiving in giving and giving in receiving. Usually, we are better at one than the other, or I should say more comfortable with one or the other. Of course, much of the night there was mutual pleasure happening—giving and receiving happening all over the place, but certainly during this most luscious sensual massage session, I just took it in. The magic, the pleasure, the feeling of ‘I’ve made some really good life choices.’
The second thing is that I don’t think people out of the lifestyle can comprehend how choosing to be non-monogamous can be such a good life decision. From the outside it has all kinds of bad written on it, because of the stigma. If not bad morally, which some people will just always think; then, complicated, risky, and not worth it, even if they are morally not opposed. It’s hard to imagine what would be worth the emotional complication that does come along with non-monogamy. Like anything, though, one gets better at the emotional complication as we go along. That’s because, generally, we grow as people. That’s another reason it seems like a good life decision to choose non-monogamy—because you know the growth that you’ve experienced and you know how worthwhile it really is. During many extraordinary lifestyle moments (read: orgies), someone will pop their head up and say, “If only everyone on the planet could experience this.” We understand that it’s not everyone’s jam. We just hope that whatever everyone else’s jam is, that they get this level of connection and pleasure out of it because it is pretty life-changing. This level of giving and receiving is miraculous.
All magic, miracles, and mind-blowing experiences aside, this is a post about making good life choices. Non-monogamy is absolutely not for everyone. Celebrating amazing life-moments is. So, non-monogamous or vanilla as they come, I invite you to find your ‘good life choices’ moments and encourage you to celebrate them—maybe even tell me about them here in the comments.