glossary of sex and lifestyle terms

Many of these sexual terms are certainly not exclusive to the swinging community, but we do talk about sex a lot, so here’s some vocabulary to get you started. If you are new to the scene, I have lots of resources for you including webinars, coaching and videos. Happy exploring! Also check out my new, free downloadable guide, Is ENM Right for You?

Air Tight - When a woman has one dick in her vagina, one dick in her ass, and one dick in her mouth- all at the same time

BBC - Big Black Cock (this term feels offensive, I know, but you will see it out there a fair bit, so I’m including it).

BDSM - Bondage, Discipline (or domination), sadism, and masochism as a type of sexual practice. 

Bi-Comfortable - A person who would not have a romantic relationship with a person of the same sex but is comfortable having sexual encounters with a person of the same sex. 

Bi-Curious - A heterosexual person interested in having a sexual experience with a person of the same sex. 

Bi-sexual - A romantic and sexual attraction or behavior toward both males and females. 

Bondage - Sexual practice of tying up or restraining one partner.

Bull - a male who joins a couple for sex. To be honest, this term is used less frequently than unicorn (female version of this), and most just refer to these guys as “single men,” but you’ll see it occasionally, so I thought I would include it.

Compersion - The opposite of jealousy. A feeling of joy or happiness when your partner takes pleasure or enjoyment in another romantic or sexual relationship.

Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM) - Interchangeable with ENM, a non-monogamous relationship in which all partners have willingly consented to the fact that the relationship is non-monogamous. A non-monogamous relationship where the other partner(s) do NOT know is simply cheating, so those of us who are CNM just call it non-monogamous.

Cuckold- A man who is aware of and takes pleasure in his partners sexual infidelity and may enjoy being ignored or humiliated.

Cuckquean- A woman who is aware of and takes pleasure in her partner’s sexual infidelity. Again, this may or may not include humiliation.

Dirty Vanilla/ Spicy Vanilla - Persons who do not identify as lifestyle or swinger but sometimes participate in lifestyle parties, events or play with friends on occasion.

Double Penetration (DP) - When a woman is being fucked by two men at the same time, one fucking her vaginally and one fucking her anally.

Double Vaginal Penetration (DVP) - When a woman is being fucked by two men and both of their dicks are in her vagina at the same time. 

Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM) - A non-monogamous relationship in which all partners have willingly consented to the fact that the relationship is non-monogamous. A non-monogamous relationship where the other partner(s) do NOT know is simply cheating, so those of us who are ENM just call it non-monogamous.

Exhibitionist - A person who receives sexual pleasure from other people watching them have sex. 

Fluffing/ Fluffer - The act of or the person whose job it is to keep the men warmed up (hard) at a gang bang. 

FMF - A threesome including two females and one male. There may or may not be female play.

Full Swap - A partner trade that includes penetrative sex. 

Gang Bang - A play session where one person is the central focus of the sexual activity, several people usually three or more, take turns or simultaneously pleasure that person. The term is usually used for a woman being the central focus of several men and “Reverse Gang Bang” is often used when a man is the focus of multiple women. See also, Queen’s Buffet.

Hall Pass- In LS a person with a “hall pass” may have sex without their significant other being present. 

Hotwife - A woman who has sexual relations with men other than her husband/ partner, with his approval. Often he watches, participates, or she films the event for him. 

House Party - A lifestyle party hosted at a private residence, often play rooms are available and play is encouraged.

Lifestyle (LS) - or “The Lifestyle” A term for people or the culture of engaging in swinging or partner swapping activities. Some use it as a general term to cover much of non-monogamy, but it’s origin is with swingers.

Lifestyle/ Swinger Club - A venue/ club in which the purpose is for people in the lifestyle to meet and play, often also called a Sex Club.

Masochism- Deriving sexual pleasure from your own pain or humiliation.

Meet & Greet - An event to meet other lifestyle couples/singles, not a play event.

MFM - A threesome including two males and one female where there is no male to male play.

MMF- A threesome including two males and one female where the two males engage sexually with one another as well as the female. 

Monogamish - A relationship where sexual encounters with others that are agreed upon are acceptable but the relationship is romantically monogamous. 

Moresome - Sexual play involving four people or more

Orgy - Five or more consenting people engaging in sexual intercourse at the same time and place, group sex.

Play - Having sex/ sexual encounters.

Pegging - A sex act when one partner is wearing a strap-on dildo and performs anal sex on the other partner.

Polyamory- Having multiple romantic relationships at the same time, where each partner is aware of the others. 

Queen’s Buffet - My own term for a gang bang. For the full story, see A Queen’s Buffet.

Sadism - Deriving sexual pleasure/ gratification from inflicting pain, humiliation, or suffering on another person.

Same Room - A partner trade where all sexual acts in the swap are performed in the same room (your partner is present). 

Separate Room - A partner swap that occurs in separate rooms (your partner is not present). 

Soft Swap - A partner trade in a sexual encounter that includes sexual acts that do not involve penetration. 

Spit Roast - A sex act involving two men and a women in which the woman is being fucked from behind by one man and is sucking the penis of the other. 

Squirting - Discharge of a noticeable amount of fluid from the vagina during sexual stimulation.

Stag / Vixen - A couple in which the man shares his woman sexually and the woman does not demean her man. As contrasted to cuckold/cuckoldress. This is another variant of the hotwifing lifestyle.

Strap On - A dildo worn with a harness during sexual activity.

Swinging - The practice of having multiple sexual partners outside of an existing romantic relationship. The relationship with those other partners is primarily sexual rather than emotionally intimate or romantic. 

Threesome - Sexual encounter involving three people participating together.

Unicorn- A female who joins a couple for sex. So named after the highly sought after but difficult to obtain mythical creature. 

Vanilla- Persons or events not in or related to the lifestyle. In BDSM terms can also mean sex that does not include aspects of BDSM. 

Voyeur - A person who receives sexual pleasure from watching other people have sex.

New to or curious about swinging?

Allow me to make some suggestions. How to Start Swinging is a personalized 4-week course, or, why not jump into my Beyond Boundaries Coaching program, for the most connected and confident foray into the lifestyle. Just Curious is a free hour-long webinar for those that are just that. If you haven’t brought it up with your partner yet, get the free downloadable guide, Popping the ENM Question.

Happy Exploring!