Openly undefined
The Heart & Soul of Non-Monogamy
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Ethical non-monogamy takes on many “forms”… polyamory, swinging, open marriage and everything in between. The thing about going non-traditional is that it gives you liberty to create what you want. Well, as long as everyone is aware and everyone is consenting. My husband and I classify as swingers, or in “the lifestyle.” We’ve met swingers who do swing, but don’t ‘identify’ with that term. We’ve met polyamorous couples who swing, and those who don’t. Actually, I have found that most open-relationship folks don’t really like to define themselves…it’s that whole non-traditional thing. The one thing we all have in common is being “open” to one degree or another. Open can be ridiculous amounts of fun. Open can be obscene amounts of sexiness. Open can also be complex. This is a blog about all of it.
If you find yourself unfamiliar with some of the terminology (common at first), here’s a Glossary of Terms to help.
cuddling and other special moments
In the Reddit post I referenced, the original poster’s partner didn’t want him or her “cuddling” after sex with other people. I presume that they were wanting to keep “cuddling” special. That one, however, left me feeling torn. Yes, you can create anything you want between you and your partner—if everyone is consenting—but for me (and most Reddit commenters agreed) not cuddling would be sad (for both) and maybe even rude (to the person outside the partnership). I would not be upset, but I would find it odd if the guy I was with jumped up after and declared that he wouldn’t be allowed to cuddle. While I would, of course, honor that, it would also make me feel that their partner wasn’t truly comfortable with the whole process.
don’t fire the secretary: stress and emotional sovereignty
You can pretty much assume that non-monogamous couples have top-notch communication skills. Well, if they are doing well and are happy in non-monogamy. Through the years, however, my husband and I have stumbled upon a couple issues that I am not sure anyone talks about because they don’t know to talk about them. One of them is this: how willing are you to see your partner under stress?