Openly undefined
The Heart & Soul of Non-Monogamy
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Ethical non-monogamy takes on many “forms”… polyamory, swinging, open marriage and everything in between. The thing about going non-traditional is that it gives you liberty to create what you want. Well, as long as everyone is aware and everyone is consenting. My husband and I classify as swingers, or in “the lifestyle.” We’ve met swingers who do swing, but don’t ‘identify’ with that term. We’ve met polyamorous couples who swing, and those who don’t. Actually, I have found that most open-relationship folks don’t really like to define themselves…it’s that whole non-traditional thing. The one thing we all have in common is being “open” to one degree or another. Open can be ridiculous amounts of fun. Open can be obscene amounts of sexiness. Open can also be complex. This is a blog about all of it.
If you find yourself unfamiliar with some of the terminology (common at first), here’s a Glossary of Terms to help.
Monogamy, Non-Monogamy and Conscious Choice
When you start thinking about non-monogamy—even if you don’t pursue it—it opens your mind to the possibilities of what relationships can look like. This shift in perspective often helps couples have more meaningful conversations about their relationship, needs, and expectations. By considering, or even just learning about non-monogamy, you give yourself and your partner the freedom to explore what’s best for you, rather than what society says is right. For many, probably even most, that journey brings them back to monogamy, but this time, it’s a conscious, empowered choice.
running towards a cliff
I became willing to see and accept that someone else actually added to our own love for each other. These other connections sparked something and brought out a part of him that we, as a couple, benefitted from tremendously. Needed, even. I had to admit something to myself that is difficult for our egos to accept and is, ultimately, the crux of non-monogamy: that we may not (or even cannot) be everything to our partner. I wonder if this alone is what drives much of the negativity towards ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy)—this underlying fear of not being everything to one’s partner.
misconCeptions
We are a mature people with rights and feelings (real ones, not just lusty ones). While most of us are just trying to figure out our own way in a non-monogamous world when this isn’t what we were raised to be a part of (let’s just say there is a lot of re-programming going on over here), we are also barraged with a lot of misconceptions about us and our relationships. We might even have our own when we start out. Here are five big ones.
Two-in-one
I wrote this for an SDC contest, “write about your first experience,” a year after my husband and I were in the lifestyle. Now we have been in for almost five and it is interesting to re-read my perspective back then vs. now….Since sharing first experiences is a common and wonderful way to get to know each other, I thought I would kick off the blog with that story.