Openly undefined
The Heart & Soul of Non-Monogamy
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Ethical non-monogamy takes on many “forms”… polyamory, swinging, open marriage and everything in between. The thing about going non-traditional is that it gives you liberty to create what you want. Well, as long as everyone is aware and everyone is consenting. My husband and I classify as swingers, or in “the lifestyle.” We’ve met swingers who do swing, but don’t ‘identify’ with that term. We’ve met polyamorous couples who swing, and those who don’t. Actually, I have found that most open-relationship folks don’t really like to define themselves…it’s that whole non-traditional thing. The one thing we all have in common is being “open” to one degree or another. Open can be ridiculous amounts of fun. Open can be obscene amounts of sexiness. Open can also be complex. This is a blog about all of it.
If you find yourself unfamiliar with some of the terminology (common at first), here’s a Glossary of Terms to help.
The Sex Drive Mismatch: Why ENM Can Make It More Obvious, Not Less
Sex drive mismatches are incredibly common in long-term relationships, monogamous or non. But when couples step into ethical non-monogamy or the swinging lifestyle hoping to solve that mismatch, they often discover something surprising (and sometimes painful): the mismatch becomes even more obvious. After seven years in the lifestyle, twenty-plus in my marriage, and coaching couples full-time, I see the same three mismatch patterns show up again and again.
Baby I’m Worth it
Lately, I’ve been noticing a theme weaving through my conversations, coaching sessions, and what I’ve been watching; the complicated, often unspoken dance between value and worth. Whether it’s in dating, the lifestyle, or our own heads, it’s time we talk about how we measure it… and how we can stop.
Morning-After Shame: Why It Hits So Hard (and How to Talk Back)
On a recent podcast, one of the topics that (unsurprisingly) came up was the shame (or guilt) that can sneak in after a big, fun weekend. You know the one: everything felt amazing in the moment - connected, sexy, alive - and then, the next day (or maybe two or three days later), something shifts. That pit in your stomach, that little voice that whispers, “Should I have done that?” Or even, “WHO was that?